Now It's Just An Empty Frame

I feel like I have trapped myself so deep once again. And that was what made it worse: the fact that I just tripped myself into the same hole. I had been here before. It was exactly the same. It was the same hole that once trapped me for so long, the same hole that I had been crawling to get out from.

I thought I had seen the ray of light somewhere where my days had been lovely, when I finally learned once again to smile and/or frown. I was almost back to expressing genuine emotions. I was actually that close to be able to sense my own emotions.

Well, now I'm neither feeling sad nor mad. I don't want to scream or cry. I don't even know what I want to do. The only thing I know is that when I ran this morning, when I was alone smoking in the office's pantry, and when I took the walk home... I could not feel a thing. ...And that scares me.

The most notable part is the feeling of not wanting to talk to anyone about anything that caused this. That was what made me realized that I am now back into that hole. I'm starting to pull myself back far--emotionally--from anyone around me. I'm setting back those shades where I was once hiding behind. I shut myself up from speaking my thoughts and feelings, so afraid that people would take hints about the thing I'm keeping tightly to myself.

I'm carrying a secret. A weighty one, indeed.